3 Years...

It’s hard to believe it’s been 3 years without my Mama. I’ll admit it’s a little easier to handle but this feeling that hits me periodically still hurts. The feeling of someone’s missing, wishing to hear her voice and wanting to hug her or be in her arms is unbearable at times especially this time of year.

I have nothing prepared this time. Usually, I start writing my entries about mom ahead of time because I have a hard time putting words together. Although I do feel like I'm dealing with everything better this year, I'm literally at a loss for words. All I do know is that I could not let this day pass without saying anything.

I've heard people say a mother's love is the closest thing someone could feel next to God's love. I consider myself lucky to say I've experience this myself. I still feel it and for that, I am thankful. I'm also thankful for the people in my life that continue to be there for me. I know I haven't been at my greatest at times for awhile now and I'm grateful that they are there regardless of that. I'm not going to list a whole bunch of people because they know who they are. Just know that the times you were there, checking on me and the little things that you've done...never go unnoticed and will never be forgotten.

Previously, I wrote about feeling like people that have experienced a great loss like I have are 'members of a club no one wants to be in'. (If you want to see that post, click here)  Over time, it's almost like I'm drawn to other 'club members'. While we all cope and grieve in different ways, I do feel comfort in knowing that I'm not the only one going through this. It's a little strange to say this but through this whole process, even though I know I'm not the only one who has lost someone close, I go through bouts of feeling alone; like no one understands how I feel or what I'm dealing with. I would never wish this on anyone...this is by far the hardest thing I've experienced and although I do feel a little stronger, I know I will never be the same.

*sigh* I'm having a hard time writing this so I think I'll stop here. I'll just leave you with one last thing....

Recently, I made a music post about a singer named Jeanne Jolly and how much I love her voice. (See here) I visited her website JeanneJolly.com and saw that she did a remake of Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah. Then I found out that Jeanne had lost her mom to cancer just a few months before I lost mine. I listened to it and cried. I loved it. It's so beautiful, it moved me to tears. I have it playing as the lead song when you visit The Lair.

Jeanne has the song available to download on her site where you can also make a donation to Ovarian Cancer Research. I did...and you can too by clicking here.

Here's a video montage from Jeanne's YouTube channel as a tribute to her mother. (Friendly reminder to pause the music player on the top right before pressing play)

Mama, I love you and miss you so much! I think of you every day. Please come visit me in my dreams!