I’ve been very nostalgic lately. Downloading and listening to music I haven’t listen to for a while. Reminiscing about the past, nothing terrible but I get emotional at times. I’ve felt the need to reach out to people I haven’t been in contact with in a bit. I’m not sure what’s made this all happen but it’s bittersweet.
I suppose it’s a combination of things going around me. Lately, I’ve had this reoccurring dream…actually more of a nightmare that included one of my closest male friends, Jewell. We’ve known each other for so long. He’s married with 2 sons; one of them is my godson. He lives in Ajax and we haven’t been able to keep in touch as much as we’d like. It was only when his 30th birthday came up which was 20 days after mine that we had realized that it was the year previous on my birthday since we’d last seen each other. Anyway, the nightmare was always the same…not totally making sense, flashing from different scenarios and always ends with him talking about our friendship saying, “It’s no use. We’re on different paths, we’ve grown apart.” I’ve had it 3 or 4 times this week and every time, I wake up crying. I finally told myself I have to call him and I’m really glad I did. We were talking about what’s going on (both our father’s health haven’t been the greatest) and talking about the boys when he abruptly said, “What’s wrong, Vee?” We always had this weird sense between us that even though we’re not in touch, our timing when we called each other was crazy. Case in point: the day my father was diagnosed with cancer, he called saying he had a weird feeling and wanted to see if I was okay. Same thing happened when his father fell ill with heart problems and I called. I sheepishly admitted to him about the nightmares and he immediately shut me down to reassure me that ‘I wouldn’t be rid of him…ever’. We spoke for at least an hour that night and promised to get together soon. I vowed that I will make an effort to see him and his family in their new home.
The other thing is cancer has really struck a cord with me. It seems like there isn’t one person around me who hasn’t been affected by this horrible disease. Working at the doctor’s office, I see it all the time but over the last few years, it’s been really prominent. My best friend from high school, Josie’s father had passed a little while ago from it. Linh lost her father when she was very young from it. Linh’s ex lost his mother to it a few years before we met him. Last year, my father’s diagnosis of prostate cancer rocked my family and it still worries me to a great extent. A good friend from work, Giselle, lost her father a few weeks ago after struggling with it for a year and now just this week, another friend from work, Lisa, her mother was just diagnosed with breast cancer. What’s going on with the world? Or is just my friends and I are coming to an age were things were getting harder for our older loved ones? It’s rather troubling to me although there’s nothing we can do except press on and keep strong. My prayers and love go out to all the people I’ve mentioned above as well as all the people who are suffering in some way.
The music thing has gotten me thinking too. With the exception of a handful of artists (yes, John Legend but there are others too! LoL!) and particular songs, nothing REALLY appeals to me. Is it because of age or is there really nothing good out there? Don’t get me wrong, some of the songs that are out now have the ability to get me moving or at the very least, get me swaying or head bobbing but it’s temporary. It makes you feel good for the moment but it never really touches my soul. My MP3 player is filled with stuff from the 80s and 90s, for example: SWV, old Mary J. Blige, hip hop like Tribe Called Quest, Common when he was known as Common Sense, Leaders of the New School, Black Moon, Outkast when they first came out, Pharcyde and reggae like Dennis Brown, Bob Marley, Beres Hammond and Garnett Silk. Wow, I am getting old, aren’t I? LoL! Well at least, when Amanda mentions certain artists and songs that are out now, I know what she’s talking about. That at least reassures me that I’m not totally out of the loop!
I can’t say I’m totally out of the “funk” I was feeling a few entries ago but I’m handling things a bit better. My mind’s just overflowing so much with these thoughts that sometimes I wanna burst! I suppose that’s why I’ve been writing quite a bit lately.
To my readers..however many or few you are, thanks for taking the time to read or ‘hear me out’. This is probably one of the most emotional entries to date. It’s helping me more than you know and more than I’d like to admit.