2009 hasn’t started off very well. Last entry, I mentioned that my mom was going through investigations for cancer. We found out that the small node she has in her right lung did in fact show cancer. She was to go through a bunch of tests to find out if it had spread anywhere else before proceeding to surgery to have it removed. If everything else was clear, she would have surgery to remove part of her right lung. A few days before the surgery date, she had minor day surgery which unfortunately showed some more cancer cells on the left side in one of her lymph nodes. She also had a low oxygen count when she was done surgery so they decided to keep her overnight and was discharged from hospital the next day. We had an appointment with a specialist to discuss radiation and chemotherapy shortly after that. They want to do a few more tests and have her heal from the minor surgery which left her with an incision in her chest. As of now, the plan is to proceed with just radiation in a few weeks time. I think they've finally made a decision not to go with chemo. Through all these investigations, we found out mama's kidney function was borderline normal and the oncologist is worried about it. His basic words were, "Sure, we have a better chance of curing the cancer if we do both but, what's the point if it makes you go on dialysis? You'll lose your quality of life." and I totally understand that. Our family still has hope but it’s a little tainted at times. Mom’s not taking it very well either which is understandable. For the longest while, she’s been a very nervous person but this has affected her a great deal and has gone quite extreme. I’m trying my damnedest to keep positive and strong but I’m struggling. I never can get enough sleep these days and my mind is working over drive with worry and ‘what if’ situations. Thank goodness for the friends I have, both near and far, for being there for me and giving support.
I did have a little something to look forward to through all this. I decided to go back to Chicago for a short trip. Since December, I had been planning to go to Houston to visit to some girlfriends I have there. Unfortunately, the prices went up way more than my budget when I was ready to book so I postponed it. Then I was talking to Rosean and we spoke about an upcoming show that Foreign Exchange has in Chicago. I was encouraging Rosean to go because not only would he be able to see Phonte and Nicolay live but also Yahzarah, Zo and Darien would be there. Then it hit me, I wondered how much it would cost to go there myself. When I checked it out, I was able to get a flight and a 3 star hotel right smack downtown for under $450! Once I confirmed a few things, I booked it. Although I was pretty excited to go away, spend time with Ro and see Darien etc., I’m also torn with what’s going on at home. A part of me doesn’t want to leave mom and the other part knows that it would be good for me to get away for a bit. All of my friends say that it would be good for my sanity, to de-stress and all that. Good music and laughs would do me good, they’ve told me that and I know that too. My sister even said, “Vee, it’s just a long weekend. It’s no big deal.” When I felt excited about it, I felt guilty for feeling excited when my mom is struggling at this time. *sigh*
Thanks to all that have sent me messages and calls checking up on me and my fam. Also, thanks for the prayers, they are greatly appreciated…keep them coming!
Here’s hoping 2009 gets better for me and my fam and you all have a great year!