Random Ramblings Volume 11

Mom goes in for her biopsy tomorrow morning. I'm so freaked out about this whole thing still. I don't people realize how much it's affecting me. I'm hoping and praying for the best. Thanks to everyone who's sent me emails, text msgs and called.

I know I’m not perfect. I know I’m not ALWAYS easy to get along with. If I do something wrong, it’s not hard for me to apologize. I can be emotional, crabby and stubborn…I know that too. You are one person who knows all those things and much more but despite my faults, you saw the good in me. Now I’m trying to deal with the fact that things may never be the same and that you may not be there for me like you once were. It’s hard and I’m sad but I’m trying to come to terms with it. The thing that troubles me the most is, what happened? I’ve thought about it many times and I’m not sure why or what I did wrong. The way I see it, I thought it was something trivial and if that was so, we would be fine in a short time but it’s been months.
Tears roll down my face as I write, thinking of all we’ve been through, how much you’ve been there for me, how much I’ve been there for you and all the fun and laughs we’ve had over the years.
Why is it so easy for you to shut me out? It’s happened before and we recovered eventually but ever since then, in the back of my mind, I was always afraid of it happening again. This has been the hardest friendship to keep and I’m not sure if I should keep fighting for it. I want to but I’m not sure if YOU want me to.
I’m hurting and I don’t think you realize how much. Please put me out of my misery and let me know what’s going on.

Wow, I've been so stressed out, worried and thinking about many things going on at once. I've been losing it at work...hardly sleeping, crying spells. I really need a break, I know that. I hope I'm able to go away some time soon before I break.

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