May 2nd...

Sigh, another birthday & Mother’s Day without you. It’s hard to believe it’s been almost 3 years since you passed. I find myself looking at all of these pictures of you…thinking about what you were doing at that time or what you were going through. Looking at your face, your eyes especially; they were so expressive. I always wonder what your exact thoughts were at that very moment. Wishing I had more pictures of you to cherish and savor.

It hurts to speak of you in passed tense. I still feel pretty lost without you here. I often wonder what you would be doing if you were here. I long to hear your voice; to feel your hugs and I’m afraid one day I might forget what you sound like or what it feels like to be in your arms. I hope you knew how much I love you and how much I appreciate you. I like to think that you did but somehow I feel like I didn’t show you enough…like I could’ve said it more, done more. I guess that’s normal for someone who has lost a loved one. One thing I did notice is I’m not angry at God anymore for taking you from me. I know it was your time, maybe He needed you to help Him watch over people the way you watched over us.

You are with me though. I feel you in my heart and in my thoughts. That’s how I speak to you now, through my heart and my thoughts…sometimes I get upset though because it’s not enough. Perhaps it’s selfish to think that way but I’d give anything to have you here…anything.

Happy birthday, Mama…not a day goes by without me missing you.