My Beliefs

So it's almost 3:30 in the morning, just finished playing an online card game, listening to music. I've been going through a little slump lately. Not sure what brought it on or if there really is a specific reason why I'm down. In fact, I should be excited because I recently planned a trip and I'm going away in March (more on that another time!) I think I'm at the end of it now though. My mood is up and I'm feeling pretty good. As I was logging out, a song on my playlist just caught my attention all of a sudden.
{Note: If this is still my most recent entry, you should be hearing the song I'm writing about playing on the mp3 player here.}

I realized as I lay down to sleep
We haven't spoke in weeks
So many things that I'd like to know
Come have a talk with me
I need a sign, something I can see
Why all the mystery?
I try not to fall for make believe
But what is reality?

Where do we go? What do we know?
Life has to have a meaning
Show me the light, Show me the way
Show that you're listening

Show me that you love me
Show me that you walk with me
Hopefully, just above me
Heaven's watching over me

Guess it's funny how I say thanks to you
For all you've given me
Sometimes the price of what you gave to me
I can't stop questioning
O God of love, peace, and mercy
Why so much suffering?
I pray for the world, it gets worse to me
Wonder if you're listening

When people go, Why do they go?
Why don't you choose me?
But someday I know, I'm gonna go
I hope you're waiting for me

Show me that you love me
Show me that you walk with me
Hopefully, just above me
Heaven's watching over me

Maybe we'll talk, Some other night
Right now I'll take it easy
Won't spent my time, Waiting to die
Enjoy the life I'm living

Show me that you love me
Show me that you walk with me
Hopefully, just above me
Heaven's watching over me

It's by one of my most favorite singers, John Legend...I had heard the song before but never really paid attention to the lyrics until now. He wrote it as a conversation he wishes he could have with God, all the questions he'd like to ask. It really touched my heart because I, too, feel the same. It's well written because it's a religious song...without sounding overly religious which in alot of ways, describes me.

I was brought up Catholic, I believe in God and all the goodness and blessings He brings. I do pray but I do not go to Church unless it's a special occasion. See? I'm religious but not enough apparently to please my mother who is disappointed in her daughter because she doesn't attend mass regularly. For lack of better words to explain myself, I find that going to Mass doesn't hold my attention and I feel it is more disrespectful for one's mind to be elsewhere, wondering when is this going to end while in His place of worship. Perhaps it's because I meditate and like to pray on my that so wrong? I don't think it means that I love God or He loves me any less than anyone else...true?


  1. Anonymous8:25 AM

    jHey Lady Vee,
    You asked for comments. Here you go. You sound like a very special young lady. Sounds to me like you are searching for a meaningful relationship with God. I appreciate your honesty, in admitting that your mind often wanders during mass. All our minds wander; don't worry. My best friend in high school was from a wonderful Catholic family of nine children. I attended mass with her and some evening Bible classes. I am a Protestant, but I am not at all critical of the Catholic church. I just want you to know that Jesus is our high priest, and you can go directly to Him, without the need of a confessor here on earth. Just for the sake of this conversation, put aside the cardinal sins of the Catholc church,etc for a moment and focus on Him. He, alone, is your Savior, and holds the key to Heaven and eternal happiness. None of us will ever achieve perfection this side of heaven, but he died to give us an abundant life in the here and now. "Salvation," the Bible says,"is the free gift of God, lest any man should boast." It isn't something attained by church attendance or baptism or any ritual, however beautiful. He died to save us . The work is done. We just have to reach out and take the gift He offers. It's a personal relationship, little one. Just ask Him. It's that simple. He'll step right into your heart, and all the rest will follow. Once you really get hold of His love, everything else in life will fall into place. God's love is not a set of thou shalls and thou shalt nots. He never changes even when everyone and everything around us does. I love this verse: For I did not give you a spirit of fear, but of wisdom, and power, and of sound mind." Just let Him fully in to love you fully. Then you will know completion, and you won't have to wonder. Remember, you were fearfully and wonderfully made in His image. I hope these words will comfort and encourage you.

  2. Nikki2:57 PM

    Hey Vee,

    It's good that you pray and meditate, there's a lot of people who sit in church and don't talk to God until the next time they go to church.

    It is scripture that we are to be we are to go to church to worship together, pray together, encourage each other; discipleship but the purpose of going to church is to not only get your worship on corporately, but to hear the word from the preacher, let it resignate in your spirit, then you apply it to your daily life,you are supposed to have a personal relationship with God, pray on your own, read his word on your own for direction and to renew your mind to be more Christ like, and pray to seek him and allow him to speak to your spirit for direction as well, we praise to show appreciation for what he's done and going to do and we worship just to be in his presence and love on him for Who He is. You need to find a church home that's right for you.

    Also we don't just go to church for ourselves, but by us being the body of Christ, we work together for HIS purpose. We all have a call of duty as a Christian to be a help to others, wherever your gift and talents are, you can use it as a ministry to be a blessing to someone else who needs you.

    Your mom's church obviously isn't the place for you, but pray for God to direct you to some places to visit, or even their websites, read their statement of faith to see what they're about and find a church home. There's only so much you can learn by being home, we all need leadership, God set up people to lead his flock and speak through them to give us the word we need. I hope that my words was a help to you. Be blessed,Love ya! Sis. :-)

    havf8th in Him,

  3. Najwa4:54 PM

    Lady Vee,
    As I was reading what you wrote you touched my heart. I can somewhat relate to what you're feelings and what your thoughts are. I often wondered and really never asked myself why did I go or not go to church. I know when I go and her the music and the word it makes me feel better. Lately it's been a struggle getting to church but I know I can have a true relationship with God here at home. I pray and talk to him almost daily. I'm very guilty for not really knowing the bible because I've never been to bible study or even just sat down and read it, but I'm at a point now where I can admit it. I use to make up all kind of excuses in my mind saying that going to church and following the scripture for that day and every Sunday that I don't need to read the bible but I do and so I'm in a learning process right now. I now ask my self what are my intentions. My suggestions to you would to visit different churches and when it's the right one for you God will move your feet. Before I joined my church 2 years ago I'd go and visit and I visited other churches but one day I was at my church and God touched my soul and I knew it was the right time for me to join and get Baptished. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I know God is with you so just have a relationship with him.

    Much Love,


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