New Year’s Goal

I don’t do resolutions…basically because I usually don’t follow through. Sometimes I set passive goals; things I want to do as the year goes on. I call them passive because sometimes I do them but if I don’t, I don’t beat myself up over it. Some examples of my passive goals that I’ve met were to work with my self esteem, be more social and less shy. This year I wanted to travel. I hardly ever go anywhere or do anything. Last time I went away was to visit my best friend from high school, Josie, when she lived in Calgary and that was way back in December 2000.

As of now, it looks like I’m following through with this one. In a little less than a week from now, I’m going to Charlotte, North Carolina. It’s only for a few days but it’s a trip nonetheless. This plan is somewhat in the back of my head since November. That was when I was planning my trip to Atlanta to hang out with my friend, Nancy and see Darien perform. It fell through for a reason out of my hands and was thoroughly disappointed. This time, everything is a go! I’ve been booked since the end of January. Nancy and I found out Little Brother and Darien will be performing in Charlotte for a big college basketball tournament (CIAA) on the 1st of March. We thought it would be a perfect opportunity to hang out and see the show. I’m nervous but it’s the good kind of nervous. It’s mostly excitement I think but I don’t think it’ll all sink in until I get to the airport.

This all may not seem like much to people but it’s a big deal for me. It’s like a breakthrough because my personality is far from a ‘go-getter’. Although I am meeting Nancy, this is the first time I’m traveling to a place I do not know by myself. True, I went to Calgary and I didn’t know that city either but Josie did pick me up from the airport and I stayed with her. This time around, Nancy’s still working when I arrive so from the airport and go straight to check into my hotel. I already feel liberated and I haven’t even left yet!

Full report of my trip to follow…I plan to take lots of pictures!

Side note: Because I’m a member of John Legend’s Fan Club, I was eligible to get tickets for his upcoming concert in April! I got 2nd row and I’m SO EXCITED!! I’m extra excited as well because I was told I will have an opportunity to meet him!

Random Ramblings Volume 6

5 In The Morning By: Vee O.

In a dark basement, reggae bass pumping
People packed in a low ceiling room, ‘hydro’ in the air
A feeling of fear and excitement as the music sets in
To her surprise, he steps to her, pulls her close

They dance, his hands traveling, her mind wandering
Never expected this, she didn’t know he wanted her
High and musical vibes settling in
He kisses her passionately

P.D.A and they just don’t care
It wasn’t ‘til 5 in the morning
When she came home, thinking too much
Was it his drunken state or true emotions shown?

What happens now? Will she ever know?
She decides not to think about it
For he made her feel sexy and desirable
Which she hadn’t felt in a long time

My Beliefs

So it's almost 3:30 in the morning, just finished playing an online card game, listening to music. I've been going through a little slump lately. Not sure what brought it on or if there really is a specific reason why I'm down. In fact, I should be excited because I recently planned a trip and I'm going away in March (more on that another time!) I think I'm at the end of it now though. My mood is up and I'm feeling pretty good. As I was logging out, a song on my playlist just caught my attention all of a sudden.
{Note: If this is still my most recent entry, you should be hearing the song I'm writing about playing on the mp3 player here.}

I realized as I lay down to sleep
We haven't spoke in weeks
So many things that I'd like to know
Come have a talk with me
I need a sign, something I can see
Why all the mystery?
I try not to fall for make believe
But what is reality?

Where do we go? What do we know?
Life has to have a meaning
Show me the light, Show me the way
Show that you're listening

Show me that you love me
Show me that you walk with me
Hopefully, just above me
Heaven's watching over me

Guess it's funny how I say thanks to you
For all you've given me
Sometimes the price of what you gave to me
I can't stop questioning
O God of love, peace, and mercy
Why so much suffering?
I pray for the world, it gets worse to me
Wonder if you're listening

When people go, Why do they go?
Why don't you choose me?
But someday I know, I'm gonna go
I hope you're waiting for me

Show me that you love me
Show me that you walk with me
Hopefully, just above me
Heaven's watching over me

Maybe we'll talk, Some other night
Right now I'll take it easy
Won't spent my time, Waiting to die
Enjoy the life I'm living

Show me that you love me
Show me that you walk with me
Hopefully, just above me
Heaven's watching over me

It's by one of my most favorite singers, John Legend...I had heard the song before but never really paid attention to the lyrics until now. He wrote it as a conversation he wishes he could have with God, all the questions he'd like to ask. It really touched my heart because I, too, feel the same. It's well written because it's a religious song...without sounding overly religious which in alot of ways, describes me.

I was brought up Catholic, I believe in God and all the goodness and blessings He brings. I do pray but I do not go to Church unless it's a special occasion. See? I'm religious but not enough apparently to please my mother who is disappointed in her daughter because she doesn't attend mass regularly. For lack of better words to explain myself, I find that going to Mass doesn't hold my attention and I feel it is more disrespectful for one's mind to be elsewhere, wondering when is this going to end while in His place of worship. Perhaps it's because I meditate and like to pray on my own...is that so wrong? I don't think it means that I love God or He loves me any less than anyone else...true?