My mama pregnant with me...our first pic together :) I now wear the necklace she has on here every day
On this day last year, November 20th at exactly 6:30 pm, one of the most important people in my life passed away…my mother. I’m not going to go into detail because I’ve written about her and what happened before. If you’d like to see my previous posts, click here and here.
All it takes is one thought, one dream, one memory and it all comes back. It still feels like yesterday and it still hurts just as much. There hasn’t been a day where I haven’t thought of my mama or missed her. There hasn’t been a day where I didn’t feel like crying but whether I cry or not is a day by day process. I understand that what I feel and what I’m going through is normal but nothing makes it easier. The love, prayers and support I’ve gotten has been amazing, so needed and overwhelming at times especially when it happened. I just keep going, taking one day at a time and some days are easier than others. Next thing I know, it’s been a year…I can’t believe it! Where did the time go?
Over this passed year, I find myself questioning or doubting myself more so now than ever before. Perhaps I feel like a part of my confidence left when mama left…or maybe it’s because I don’t have her here to reassure me. I know she’ll live forever in me so now I’m just trying to trust in myself.
Honestly not sure what to say here but I know I couldn’t let this day pass without saying something. I think I’ll just use this as my pledge to do better, learn to trust in myself more and really started taking care of myself because truthfully, I know I’ve been overlooking a lot and putting things off. So if you’re reading this, you are my witnesses…if you see me slipping, I give permission for you call me out on it!
To end this, I want to give my heartfelt appreciation to those who have been there for me and have helped me through this...I can’t thank you enough. I won’t list everyone because there are a bunch of you and I don’t want to leave anyone out but I’m sure you know who you are. Love you all!
Rest In Peace, Mama. I miss and love you so very much.