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7/23/06
My Favorite Lil' Girl In The Whole Wide World!!
Just sharing! I finished this a few seconds ago and wanted to post it here for all to see!! Please be sure you click on the MP3 player to the right of the screen to turn off the music before watching it or else you'll have 2 different songs playing!!! Not pleasant!! :)
7/20/06
Nostalgia…friend or foe?
I’ve been very nostalgic lately. Downloading and listening to music I haven’t listen to for a while. Reminiscing about the past, nothing terrible but I get emotional at times. I’ve felt the need to reach out to people I haven’t been in contact with in a bit. I’m not sure what’s made this all happen but it’s bittersweet.
I suppose it’s a combination of things going around me. Lately, I’ve had this reoccurring dream…actually more of a nightmare that included one of my closest male friends, Jewell. We’ve known each other for so long. He’s married with 2 sons; one of them is my godson. He lives in Ajax and we haven’t been able to keep in touch as much as we’d like. It was only when his 30th birthday came up which was 20 days after mine that we had realized that it was the year previous on my birthday since we’d last seen each other. Anyway, the nightmare was always the same…not totally making sense, flashing from different scenarios and always ends with him talking about our friendship saying, “It’s no use. We’re on different paths, we’ve grown apart.” I’ve had it 3 or 4 times this week and every time, I wake up crying. I finally told myself I have to call him and I’m really glad I did. We were talking about what’s going on (both our father’s health haven’t been the greatest) and talking about the boys when he abruptly said, “What’s wrong, Vee?” We always had this weird sense between us that even though we’re not in touch, our timing when we called each other was crazy. Case in point: the day my father was diagnosed with cancer, he called saying he had a weird feeling and wanted to see if I was okay. Same thing happened when his father fell ill with heart problems and I called. I sheepishly admitted to him about the nightmares and he immediately shut me down to reassure me that ‘I wouldn’t be rid of him…ever’. We spoke for at least an hour that night and promised to get together soon. I vowed that I will make an effort to see him and his family in their new home.
The other thing is cancer has really struck a cord with me. It seems like there isn’t one person around me who hasn’t been affected by this horrible disease. Working at the doctor’s office, I see it all the time but over the last few years, it’s been really prominent. My best friend from high school, Josie’s father had passed a little while ago from it. Linh lost her father when she was very young from it. Linh’s ex lost his mother to it a few years before we met him. Last year, my father’s diagnosis of prostate cancer rocked my family and it still worries me to a great extent. A good friend from work, Giselle, lost her father a few weeks ago after struggling with it for a year and now just this week, another friend from work, Lisa, her mother was just diagnosed with breast cancer. What’s going on with the world? Or is just my friends and I are coming to an age were things were getting harder for our older loved ones? It’s rather troubling to me although there’s nothing we can do except press on and keep strong. My prayers and love go out to all the people I’ve mentioned above as well as all the people who are suffering in some way.
The music thing has gotten me thinking too. With the exception of a handful of artists (yes, John Legend but there are others too! LoL!) and particular songs, nothing REALLY appeals to me. Is it because of age or is there really nothing good out there? Don’t get me wrong, some of the songs that are out now have the ability to get me moving or at the very least, get me swaying or head bobbing but it’s temporary. It makes you feel good for the moment but it never really touches my soul. My MP3 player is filled with stuff from the 80s and 90s, for example: SWV, old Mary J. Blige, hip hop like Tribe Called Quest, Common when he was known as Common Sense, Leaders of the New School, Black Moon, Outkast when they first came out, Pharcyde and reggae like Dennis Brown, Bob Marley, Beres Hammond and Garnett Silk. Wow, I am getting old, aren’t I? LoL! Well at least, when Amanda mentions certain artists and songs that are out now, I know what she’s talking about. That at least reassures me that I’m not totally out of the loop!
I can’t say I’m totally out of the “funk” I was feeling a few entries ago but I’m handling things a bit better. My mind’s just overflowing so much with these thoughts that sometimes I wanna burst! I suppose that’s why I’ve been writing quite a bit lately.
To my readers..however many or few you are, thanks for taking the time to read or ‘hear me out’. This is probably one of the most emotional entries to date. It’s helping me more than you know and more than I’d like to admit.
I suppose it’s a combination of things going around me. Lately, I’ve had this reoccurring dream…actually more of a nightmare that included one of my closest male friends, Jewell. We’ve known each other for so long. He’s married with 2 sons; one of them is my godson. He lives in Ajax and we haven’t been able to keep in touch as much as we’d like. It was only when his 30th birthday came up which was 20 days after mine that we had realized that it was the year previous on my birthday since we’d last seen each other. Anyway, the nightmare was always the same…not totally making sense, flashing from different scenarios and always ends with him talking about our friendship saying, “It’s no use. We’re on different paths, we’ve grown apart.” I’ve had it 3 or 4 times this week and every time, I wake up crying. I finally told myself I have to call him and I’m really glad I did. We were talking about what’s going on (both our father’s health haven’t been the greatest) and talking about the boys when he abruptly said, “What’s wrong, Vee?” We always had this weird sense between us that even though we’re not in touch, our timing when we called each other was crazy. Case in point: the day my father was diagnosed with cancer, he called saying he had a weird feeling and wanted to see if I was okay. Same thing happened when his father fell ill with heart problems and I called. I sheepishly admitted to him about the nightmares and he immediately shut me down to reassure me that ‘I wouldn’t be rid of him…ever’. We spoke for at least an hour that night and promised to get together soon. I vowed that I will make an effort to see him and his family in their new home.
The other thing is cancer has really struck a cord with me. It seems like there isn’t one person around me who hasn’t been affected by this horrible disease. Working at the doctor’s office, I see it all the time but over the last few years, it’s been really prominent. My best friend from high school, Josie’s father had passed a little while ago from it. Linh lost her father when she was very young from it. Linh’s ex lost his mother to it a few years before we met him. Last year, my father’s diagnosis of prostate cancer rocked my family and it still worries me to a great extent. A good friend from work, Giselle, lost her father a few weeks ago after struggling with it for a year and now just this week, another friend from work, Lisa, her mother was just diagnosed with breast cancer. What’s going on with the world? Or is just my friends and I are coming to an age were things were getting harder for our older loved ones? It’s rather troubling to me although there’s nothing we can do except press on and keep strong. My prayers and love go out to all the people I’ve mentioned above as well as all the people who are suffering in some way.
The music thing has gotten me thinking too. With the exception of a handful of artists (yes, John Legend but there are others too! LoL!) and particular songs, nothing REALLY appeals to me. Is it because of age or is there really nothing good out there? Don’t get me wrong, some of the songs that are out now have the ability to get me moving or at the very least, get me swaying or head bobbing but it’s temporary. It makes you feel good for the moment but it never really touches my soul. My MP3 player is filled with stuff from the 80s and 90s, for example: SWV, old Mary J. Blige, hip hop like Tribe Called Quest, Common when he was known as Common Sense, Leaders of the New School, Black Moon, Outkast when they first came out, Pharcyde and reggae like Dennis Brown, Bob Marley, Beres Hammond and Garnett Silk. Wow, I am getting old, aren’t I? LoL! Well at least, when Amanda mentions certain artists and songs that are out now, I know what she’s talking about. That at least reassures me that I’m not totally out of the loop!
I can’t say I’m totally out of the “funk” I was feeling a few entries ago but I’m handling things a bit better. My mind’s just overflowing so much with these thoughts that sometimes I wanna burst! I suppose that’s why I’ve been writing quite a bit lately.
To my readers..however many or few you are, thanks for taking the time to read or ‘hear me out’. This is probably one of the most emotional entries to date. It’s helping me more than you know and more than I’d like to admit.
7/19/06
Ugh....
I’ve been meaning to write about this for a while but I’ve been so disgusted that I didn’t want to rehash the churning of my stomach…..
Last week while my boss was away, Amanda and I had been working our asses off getting our office in tip top shape which I am proud to say, we did a great job. Wednesday after a grueling day, we decided to go for a well deserved dinner at one of the local restaurants that we USED to frequent called (actually I don’t want to say the name of the place because my brother pointed out that if this out for anyone to see, they may have grounds to sue.) My sister came to join us as well. We all sat at a table and Amanda and I ordered our usual nachos to share as we had many times before. We weren’t even half way into it when Amanda stopped and turned pale. She told me, “There’s a bug!” and pointed it out to me. Right in the pile, I spotted what she was talking about. It was a cockroach belly up and dead. It could’ve easily been mistaken as a bean that was mixed in with the chili. My stomach churned and I immediately called the waitress over who didn’t seem an ounce friendly from the get go. When I told her, she replied with, “Are you sure?” “Yeah, I’m sure!” and pointed it out to her. She mumbled sorry and took the tray back to the kitchen. Amanda grew quite quiet and I felt terrible. Because it had been too long between meals for me, my blood sugar level was dropping and I began to feel a little weak. Whenever that happens, I get quite cranky and feel really out of it. Thinking back we should’ve gotten up and left but my mind wasn’t at a right state. I forced myself to order something small but ended picking at it because I couldn’t eat anymore. Amanda nudged me and pointed my attention to the waitress who was now in conversation with another waitress. She was clearly talking about us because they kept looking over at us, smirking and giggling. My sister was oblivious about it all because she had her back turned to them. I felt my blood boil so when we left, I insisted on not leaving a tip. We didn’t get charged for the nachos but were billed for everything else. I know this is not usual practice at restaurants. I’ve been through less disgusting situations before and had our whole bill taken care of. I thought of asking for the manager that night but we wanted to get out of there ASAP! Amanda looked like she was going to hurl! In an event to calm her a bit, we all went to Starbucks to sit and sip on our favorite Caramel Macchiato.
The next day, we went back to speak to the manager. My friend, Michelle insisted on it. She had worked in the restaurant for 6 years and informed me that they dealt with the situation poorly. I wanted to go in person because I have been working in the area for 12 years and I wanted them to recognize me as a regular customer. The manager recognized me right away because she had been a server there for a while and had waited on me in the past. It seems that she took the situation quite lightly. “Oh, well I have to tell you honestly, I’ve never seen one cockroach here ever. Are you sure?” she said after I told her the situation including our ‘pleasant’ waitress. “Well, if you want to get technical, I’m not sure if it was a roach but it was a bug nonetheless. There were legs and everything.” I insisted as my stomach did a flip flop. “I apologize for that. Hopefully we’ll do better next time.” She replied and I began to get thoroughly irritated and pissed. “There won’t be a next time. Definitely will not be a next time.” I stated and left. I didn’t know what I was expecting but I certainly did not expect that.
FYI: I am in the process of sending a report to Public Health’s Food & Safety Board. I know they will take this seriously.
Last week while my boss was away, Amanda and I had been working our asses off getting our office in tip top shape which I am proud to say, we did a great job. Wednesday after a grueling day, we decided to go for a well deserved dinner at one of the local restaurants that we USED to frequent called (actually I don’t want to say the name of the place because my brother pointed out that if this out for anyone to see, they may have grounds to sue.) My sister came to join us as well. We all sat at a table and Amanda and I ordered our usual nachos to share as we had many times before. We weren’t even half way into it when Amanda stopped and turned pale. She told me, “There’s a bug!” and pointed it out to me. Right in the pile, I spotted what she was talking about. It was a cockroach belly up and dead. It could’ve easily been mistaken as a bean that was mixed in with the chili. My stomach churned and I immediately called the waitress over who didn’t seem an ounce friendly from the get go. When I told her, she replied with, “Are you sure?” “Yeah, I’m sure!” and pointed it out to her. She mumbled sorry and took the tray back to the kitchen. Amanda grew quite quiet and I felt terrible. Because it had been too long between meals for me, my blood sugar level was dropping and I began to feel a little weak. Whenever that happens, I get quite cranky and feel really out of it. Thinking back we should’ve gotten up and left but my mind wasn’t at a right state. I forced myself to order something small but ended picking at it because I couldn’t eat anymore. Amanda nudged me and pointed my attention to the waitress who was now in conversation with another waitress. She was clearly talking about us because they kept looking over at us, smirking and giggling. My sister was oblivious about it all because she had her back turned to them. I felt my blood boil so when we left, I insisted on not leaving a tip. We didn’t get charged for the nachos but were billed for everything else. I know this is not usual practice at restaurants. I’ve been through less disgusting situations before and had our whole bill taken care of. I thought of asking for the manager that night but we wanted to get out of there ASAP! Amanda looked like she was going to hurl! In an event to calm her a bit, we all went to Starbucks to sit and sip on our favorite Caramel Macchiato.
The next day, we went back to speak to the manager. My friend, Michelle insisted on it. She had worked in the restaurant for 6 years and informed me that they dealt with the situation poorly. I wanted to go in person because I have been working in the area for 12 years and I wanted them to recognize me as a regular customer. The manager recognized me right away because she had been a server there for a while and had waited on me in the past. It seems that she took the situation quite lightly. “Oh, well I have to tell you honestly, I’ve never seen one cockroach here ever. Are you sure?” she said after I told her the situation including our ‘pleasant’ waitress. “Well, if you want to get technical, I’m not sure if it was a roach but it was a bug nonetheless. There were legs and everything.” I insisted as my stomach did a flip flop. “I apologize for that. Hopefully we’ll do better next time.” She replied and I began to get thoroughly irritated and pissed. “There won’t be a next time. Definitely will not be a next time.” I stated and left. I didn’t know what I was expecting but I certainly did not expect that.
FYI: I am in the process of sending a report to Public Health’s Food & Safety Board. I know they will take this seriously.
Tears??? WTF??
So I'm online right now with my girl, Amanda who is my fave. employee in the whole wide world (it helps that she's the only one! LoL!). I'm tellin' you this doll is like the lil' sister I never had...anyway, we talk ALOT about music and I've been showing her some of the music I listen to back in the day to educate...she's gonna be 19 in Oct. Over time we've talked a lot about what I've been through blah blah and one of those subjects is about my ex and how we talked about marriage plenty of times. I told her we even had our wedding song picked out...we were going to use All My Life by K-Ci and JoJo but it was wayyy too over used because it was really popular when we were together. We decided on a song called You by Jesse Powell (if you don't know it, download it...it's realllyy sweet.) anyway, she wanted to hear it so I get it and send it to her. When I did that, I decided to listen to it since it had been sooo long since I heard it. Wow, all of a sudden my chest started to feel heavy and I got emotional! I wasn't ballin' my eyes out...not at all...just a few stray tears just streaked my face. I was like, What the Fuck??? I was way over my ex as it has been years since we'd been together and I didn't want him back. It took me a while to get over him and now we consider each other friends, nothing more, nothing less.
Man, I guess there's no explaining it. All I can say is perhaps I miss not necessarily him but what we had.
OH WELL! I feel a bit better now that I wrote this...*SIGH* writing can be such therapy.
Side Note: My fave. American Soldier, Davon, just popped online. He's in Iraq right now..been there since Oct...trying to keep his head straight and pressin' on. He just remembered to tell me he just got promoted!!!! Congrats to Sergeant Davon Minor!! I'm so proud of you and I pray for your safety everyday until you return. Luv ya, Gizmo!
(Yes, that's a nickname I call him...don't ask cuz I won't tell! LOL!)
Man, I guess there's no explaining it. All I can say is perhaps I miss not necessarily him but what we had.
OH WELL! I feel a bit better now that I wrote this...*SIGH* writing can be such therapy.
Side Note: My fave. American Soldier, Davon, just popped online. He's in Iraq right now..been there since Oct...trying to keep his head straight and pressin' on. He just remembered to tell me he just got promoted!!!! Congrats to Sergeant Davon Minor!! I'm so proud of you and I pray for your safety everyday until you return. Luv ya, Gizmo!
(Yes, that's a nickname I call him...don't ask cuz I won't tell! LOL!)
7/17/06
HOW YA FEELIN'????? HOT HOT HOT!!!!!
WOWWWW IT'S HOT!!!
No word of a lie, I am sitting here in my bra and shorts typing this...sorry for the visual!! I had so much trouble sleeping the last few days cuz it's so hot in our apartment.
Today I reallllyyyy looked forward to going to work cuz of the AC but our office for some reason is warmer than all the other offices in the building! I mean it's not as bad as home cuz I do get some air but it's still warm...warm enough for our patients to sit there and fan themselves with magazines! I need to file a complaint or something.
Damn, I hope it rains over night like the forecasters say it supposed to. Hopefully it'll cool things off even just a lil'.
No word of a lie, I am sitting here in my bra and shorts typing this...sorry for the visual!! I had so much trouble sleeping the last few days cuz it's so hot in our apartment.
Today I reallllyyyy looked forward to going to work cuz of the AC but our office for some reason is warmer than all the other offices in the building! I mean it's not as bad as home cuz I do get some air but it's still warm...warm enough for our patients to sit there and fan themselves with magazines! I need to file a complaint or something.
Damn, I hope it rains over night like the forecasters say it supposed to. Hopefully it'll cool things off even just a lil'.
7/11/06
A Week Vacation
You might be reading this and thinking, “Vee went on vacation?” Nope, one of my bosses is away this week. He’s the one who’s here 5 days a week. The other doctor only works once a week. It’s amazing how relaxed I feel. It’s almost like I’m the one on vacation. Not that my boss is terrible to work with…he’s actually pretty great. He’s just so busy. I thought I was going to lose my head last week! Not only was it a short week because of Canada Day but it was his last week before he went away. I swear patients were acting like he was going to be away for 6 months!!
Just because he’s away doesn’t mean I’ll be off the whole week. I have tons of stuff to catch up on and clear. I’m actually writing this at work. The lady doctor is in only for half a day. I’m sitting here staring at the piles of charts I have to clear and I’m honestly not stressed about it. I don’t think I’ve felt like that before. It’s really strange to me; so strange that I felt to document it on my blog! LoL!
Being the great boss he is, he just told me “As long as everything’s done when I come back, I don’t care.” I think that took the weight off my shoulders quite a bit. Now that the lady doctor’s is pretty much done her day, I can get down to business! Woo Hoo!!
Thank goodness for great bosses and being in a line of work that I actually enjoy.
Just because he’s away doesn’t mean I’ll be off the whole week. I have tons of stuff to catch up on and clear. I’m actually writing this at work. The lady doctor is in only for half a day. I’m sitting here staring at the piles of charts I have to clear and I’m honestly not stressed about it. I don’t think I’ve felt like that before. It’s really strange to me; so strange that I felt to document it on my blog! LoL!
Being the great boss he is, he just told me “As long as everything’s done when I come back, I don’t care.” I think that took the weight off my shoulders quite a bit. Now that the lady doctor’s is pretty much done her day, I can get down to business! Woo Hoo!!
Thank goodness for great bosses and being in a line of work that I actually enjoy.
7/4/06
What's happening???
Sad, most of the time, even though I don't show it.
Exhausted, although I can't seem to catch one Z.
In situations where I should be happy & having fun but, it's only temporary.
This heavy feeling won't go away and it's been at least a month.
Sometimes it's hard to breathe, sometimes my head pounds.
Is it age? Is it stress? Is it lack of love? Is it unsatisfaction of life?
I don't want to go back to where I used to be 5-6 years ago...or even worse, where I used to be almost 10 years ago. I'm scared of that happening. That is why I'm hard on myself although a lot of people say I shouldn't be.
I hope I find out soon so I can do something about it cuz I hate feeling like this.
Exhausted, although I can't seem to catch one Z.
In situations where I should be happy & having fun but, it's only temporary.
This heavy feeling won't go away and it's been at least a month.
Sometimes it's hard to breathe, sometimes my head pounds.
Is it age? Is it stress? Is it lack of love? Is it unsatisfaction of life?
I don't want to go back to where I used to be 5-6 years ago...or even worse, where I used to be almost 10 years ago. I'm scared of that happening. That is why I'm hard on myself although a lot of people say I shouldn't be.
I hope I find out soon so I can do something about it cuz I hate feeling like this.
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