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5/31/06

SURPRISE!!!

It was Saturday, May 27, 2006 at approximately 7:30 pm. I arrived alongside my best friend from high school, Josie, who was in town from Vancouver at The Hot House CafĂ© to see about 18 -20 smiling faces seated at a table waiting for me. I reacted by taking a step back and hiding because I didn’t not expect such a big group there. I didn’t want to do anything for my 30th birthday. I was in a funk, a down state so to speak for the last 2 weeks. This was the first year in a long time that I wasn’t at all excited or looking forward to it but all my friends and family made me realize that this was something to celebrate and not to feel down about.

Special thanks goes out to: my sister, Carmela for putting this together. Josie, I know you didn’t necessarily plan to be here for my special day but it sure worked out great, didn’t it? Thanks for being there. Linh, for always checking on me when I was down and for playing off that you were going to your grandma’s when really you were on your way to the party! Michelle, for keeping me smiling at work all this time and all your encouragement. Kuya Ed and Angela, for playing off that we were just supposed to meet for drinks after dinner with Josie. Mama and Papa, I’m so glad you were there to surprise me with the white roses…that was one of the best surprises! To Christina, Lynette, Eduardo, Ethan, Erika, JoJo, Mike, Julie, Rorie, Rica, Jose and Evelyn: thank you all for coming…

YOUR PRENSENCE WAS THE BEST PRESENT!!

5/27/06

I'm what???????????

30! Yep, I made it to 30 and I thank God for that. I'm not as down as I was but it's still swimming in my mind and I've chosen to ignore it as much as possible. I went out with my girl, Linh last night. She treated me to a wicked dinner at this trendy Japanese Fusion Restaurant called, Ki. Very beautiful. We also passed thru this club, to listen some music and people watch. Big ups to my boy..my fave. DJ, Tyrone for the birthday shot.

I'm heading out tonight with my best friend from high school, Josie who is in town from Vancouver. I look forward to that as well. I'm supposed to get together with my brother, his girlfriend, my sister and her friends later. We'll see how that goes...

Gotta go or else I'll be late. Thanks to all my friends/family for being there for me and all the birthday wishes!! Love ya!

5/26/06

Hmmm....better...

Well...it's after midnight so technically my birthday is now one day away and I don't feel as bad as I did. I did hit my lowest point on Wednesday night....all of a sudden, I was overcome with emotions and was balling my eyes out. I secluded myself in one of the bedrooms where no one would see me and sat in the dark, letting it all go. I wasn't alone long because I was dicovered by my mother who sat and talked with me a great deal. She comforted me as she held me in her arms while I explained how I've been feeling. We talked and I eventually calmed down. I was still a lil' weepy when I finally went to bed but I finally did have a good night's sleep. Perhaps I just needed a good cry....

Today in an attempt to lift my spirits, I got my hair cut and nails done. I think it worked cuz although, there's a part of me who's still sad/depressed...it's not as big as before. Many people have been there for me, sharing their advice, saying really kind words...basically trying to see that I am okay and getting me to cheer up. Whether I know you personally or online, I thank you from the bottom of my "almost 30 year old" (LoL!) heart for your support and love...in particular for Linh, RoSean, Helen, Michelle, Josie and Deedra.

5/24/06

Happy Or Not Happy...Excited Or Not Excited....That Is The Question!

So as some of you may know...my 30th birthday is fast approaching (May 27 in case you didn't know!) I'm usually excited about my birthday, wanting to make plans to do stuff, making sure that I have most, if not all, the people I love around me during my special day but this year it's different somehow....I'm just not totally there.

Yes, some may peg it to the "milestone" birthday but it's not totally what you think. I'm not bummed because of the "getting old/age" thing...I've just been thinking about what I've accomplished, what do I have to show for my 30 years of life...and sometimes when I feel pretty crappy, I don't have much to say when I ask myself these questions. There are positives and I try to concentrate on those points but somehow lately the negatives have been creeping back into my mind when I have constantly tried to push them out. I am grateful, though, that I have the guts in me to try and push them out, to not let them consume me...BUT, some days are better than others. Let me tell you...this is not one of them better days.

Anyway...hopefully things will get better as the days gets closer...I'll keep you posted.

5/15/06

Sensitivity Or Lack Thereof~Originally Posted on myspace:05/03/06

So I'm at work today(for those who dont know, I work as a medical secretary)and a lady in her late 80s or so approached my desk with a magazine in hand. She showed me a picture of the Chinese actress, Ziyi Zhang (she was in Rush Hour 2, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon and Memoires of a Geisha. To see what she looks like, http://www.helloziyi.us/Galleries/ziyi-maybelline-hq02.jpg ).

Anyway, she shows me the picture and says, "See, if you put your mind to it and lost weight, you'd look like her...a gorgeous Chinese lady. Look at her, isn't she beautiful?" Without saying anything, I just smiled and nodded. "How long do you think it would take you to look like that?" she asked me and told her I wasn't sure.

I took a little offense to it. I can't really explain how I felt about it except by saying that it kinda hurt. First, I'm not Chinese, I'm Filipino but whatever...that doesn't bother me because some don't know any better...not that there's anything wrong with being Chinese. Second, I'm sure y'all have seen my pictures on the myspace profile and I am, by far, not a skinny girl. I've always been a bit big and very tall. Although I have to admit that it has taken me awhile to be comfortable with the way I'm built and to this day I can't tell you that I'm absolutely comfortable but I will say that I'm content with myself. I feel that there's always room for improvement but I'm fine with the way I am now. I've had to create my self confidence and a positive self image when I had none to speak of. I just got a little irritated, not necessarily with the lil old lady but upset with the way some people think. That's why felt to write this blog. People come in all sorts of shapes and sizes whether it is because of genetics or the way they take care of themselves or not take care of themselves. I could only just imagine if I had the really poor self image, lack of self confidence that I had years ago and that lady approached me the same way she did today. I would've been totally distraught and upset; probably to the point of tears.

I suppose my point is, which actually applies to my last blog entry as well: Please think before you speak and be a little more sensitive because you never know how what youre saying will affect that person you say it to.

For My Girls..Actually, The Fellas Can Give Me Their Opinion Too~Orginally posted on myspace:05/01/06

So I went out on a date a few weeks ago. Things went well, I suppose other than my usual shyness everything was cool. Weve been talking practically every day ever since. Weve been really getting to know each other and things have been good. Now this passed weekend, I was upset about something (people who know me..know that Ive been going through a lot lately. He knew this too.) and was talking to him about it. As I was letting out some frustration, he interrupted me and proceeded to ask me, Tell me somethingis Aunt Flow visiting right now? Now for those who have no clue what he meant, he was basically asking if I was on my menstrual cycle because I was so upset. I was insulted by that and was quiet for a minute before telling him I had to go and I hung up. We were both on MSN at the time so he messages me and asked me what was wrong. I told him that what he said was probably one of the most insensitive things Ive ever heard and not something he should be asking. I also added that I was not on or anywhere near being my period. All he said was, Well, I was just speaking from experience. Was I being rude? I told him yes. I dunno whyI dont think anyone I know would find that I was being rude. Isnt it a possibility that a woman can be more crabby and emotional around that time of the month? he asked and I said yes but I also stated that it isnt always the case and people shouldnt always assume that.

My question to yall out there is: Was it or was it not rude???

This, among other things, has pretty much turned me off of this guy. I feel like I wasnt misjudging him. Ive told my sister and some friends, both male and female, and they all agree with me. Its not like I was attacking him when he asked me that but I guess I just need some confirmation from people that may not be biased towards me.

The Trial and Tribulations of Work ~ Orginally posted on myspace.com:02/28/06

My official position is Medical Office Assistant (MOA). I love my job, I really do! I wouldn't have been doing it for 11 years. It's not an easy job but a lot of people seem to think it is but I'm not here to argue that point. I'm basically writing to bitch of some of the shit I've been through. Here are some points:

Impatients Not Patients: I honestly don't know why people are called patients cuz only few of them actually are. I can't tell you how many times I've been asked how long they have to wait and bitch to me if the doctor's running late. Guess what? When doctors run late, it's hardly ever is the secretary's fault! My favorite is when 'patients' expect me to be psychic! For example (and this happens a lot!): Someone would call me and book an appointment for the next day or so. After giving them a date, they would ask, "Would you tell me how long I'd have to wait?" I constantly have to bite my tongue to keep from saying, "Gee, I dunno. Let me check my crystal ball!" How the hell does one expect me to tell if the doctor would be running behind the next day or the next week for that matter!

Kindness Goes A Long Way: This should be common knowledge but I find it really isn't almost every day at work. I can tell you in my 11 years as an MOA that I have been called every name in the book! Mind you, I get kind words and compliments like 'you're so efficient' or my personal favorite, 'Vee, I don't know what we or the doctor would do without you!' But others are not so kind. I've built up a thick skin and learned the art of sarcasm when someone calls me a bitch or something worse. What most don't realize is that MOAs, depending on how the office is run, have a lot of power when dealing with 'patients'. I know I do. I have the right to refuse a patient as long as my reasons are valid but I don't abuse this power. When someone's treating me wrongly in person or on the phone, I can kick them out or hang up on them. I've been here long enough to build relationships with other secretaries in specialists' offices and frankly, sometimes that helps to get a speedy appointment. Generally speaking, I have a great memory so if we have ever had friction in the past, the less likely I'm going to go the extra mile for you. In other words, just DON'T FUCK WITH ME!

The Mentally Unstable: Working for a general practitioner, we see a lot of different problems and the worst with are people with mental issues. There are various states: some are stable with meds, depressed or a little off beat, slow but very chatty. Then there are the scary ones that may have a history of some sort of violence, homicidal or suicidal thoughts. A few of them, aren't bad. These are the innocent ones who are genuinely happy to see you and just have a case of "verbal diarrhea" but there is one particular person that sends me right off the edge!!!! Obviously, I can't use names so we'll call him "PD". That's what my friend, a social worker, calls him. It stands for Personality Disorder. PD is basically a big pain in the ass and has got a different kind of 'verbal diarrhea'. When he talks, it's usually irrelevant to anyone. He's constantly 'beating around the bush' when asked something and never lets you get a word in at all so he keeps rambling. When he's in, sometimes he spends anywhere from 1 to 2 hours in my waiting room AFTER seeing the doctor. He reads magazines and starts rambling to anyone who'll listen. Sometimes we have to kick him out cuz he sits there until we close! A week or 2 ago, PD needed copies of records for an appointment that he had on a Thursday. It was at least 20 pages long. Monday, I left him a message to say that it was ready. He called me Tuesday and after spending at least 10 minutes on the phone, all he wanted to know was if the copies were ready. When he showed up, he asked when he's seeing the doctor. He believed he had an appointment and wanted to know how long the wait was since there was a roomful of patients. After telling him that he couldn't see my boss, PD stated, "You told me to come in to see the doctor!" I told him all I said was to pick up the copies, he replied with "You told me I had to see the doctor about these copies! You said so on the message! I can even play it for you!" Of course, he said this in a rather loud tone, making patients look at me, worried and probably wondering what the hell was going on. I encouraged him to play it for me. I even offered my phone to use but he stormed out. I later found out he needed them for some kind of arbitration. I guess he looked through all the papers and didn't like what was said cuz PD came back in and threw some papers at me. He said he didn't need them cuz it would make him look bad for the meeting. He insisted on speaking to the doctor so I tossed the papers back at him and told him to get out, saying that I'd get him to call him later. Needless to say, when the boss called, he didn't get PD so PD called back Wednesday. After speaking with my boss, he called back about 5 or 6 times in a row to speak to me! The summary of the situation was he needed an appointment cuz my boss didn't want to speak on the phone with him re: the papers. It took me until about the 4th or 5th time he called to figure that out. That's why he called back so much. He wouldn't get to the point and I warned him I would hang up if didn't tell me what he wanted. The other thing was he needed another set of copies and I was pissed! When I told the boss, he told me to charge for it and PD said he would pay. Then last straw was when he told me that he needed it done by that afternoon! Apparently, he needed another cuz he'd written all kinds of notes on the copies. We argued to the point where I was raising my voice cuz he wouldn't let me speak. I refused to do the copies because what he did was inexcusable. I hung up again but he called back in attempt to lay guilt on me. I hung up yet again and put all the calls on hold cuz by then my heart was palpitating, I was on the verge of crying and I was already shaking. I thought I was going to lose it so I took my coat and walked out of the office. This man always gets to me and he's the only one that can set me off like this. Last week, he came in twice and has made big scenes in the office to the point where you can hear my boss and PD almost yelling at each other. ARRGGGHHH!!!

Whoah, this was long!! Phew, I feel better after spilling all this!

Welcome To The Lair

Well, I did it. I finally got a PC at home...no more internet cafes for me!

Orginally, I started a blog on myspace but people who weren't members were not able to see what I wrote or comment. If you are a myspace friend who's coming here to read my journal, welcome! Right now, you will see 3 or 4 entries that were previously posted on myspace for your viewing pleasure. I will even attempted to put the dates that they were orginally posted.

Please feel free to comment, I enjoy feedback a great deal and tell your friends too cuz I love meeting new people!Thanks for stopping by and come again!!!

Much Luv,Vee

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